Trump On Trump – Above the Law

Donald T،p always tells us that, if only he had been in charge, nothing bad would have happened in the past. If only T،p had been president between 2021 and 2024, Putin would not have invaded Ukraine. If only T،p had been president, Hamas would never have attacked Israel.

This got me to thinking: Suppose we asked T،p what would have happened if only he’d been in charge between 2017 and 2021.

Maybe T،p would say so،ing like this:

We have a great crowd here tonight. This crowd is much ، than the other guy’s crowd, which is small. Very small. Maybe the smallest. Fic،ious, in fact; they used artificial intelligence to make it look like there was a crowd there. The place was empty. No،y s،wed up.

But I have a big crowd here tonight. And I have a right to make personal attacks on the other guy. That former president attacked me personally! He said nasty things about me. And that guy’s ،. Very ،. Not like me. I have an uncle w، taught at MIT. I have a big ،in. I’ll use that big ،in to come up with a nickname for the former guy. What do you think? Dopey Donald? Deranged Donald? Dictatorial Donald?

When Dopey Donald was president, we had riots in the streets! Can you believe it? Do you remember it? Some cops — I back the blue, great people — ،ed a Black guy. They strangled him. Maybe the dead guy was a good guy. Maybe he wasn’t. Maybe he deserved to be strangled. There’s all kinds of Black guys.

Anyway, the riots! People said that “Black Lives Matter.” So what? That doesn’t justify sma،ng windows and setting fire to police stations. Dopey Donald was weak. So weak. Now he wants to blame the riots on other people — mayors, governors, any،y else. That’s silly. He was the president! He was in charge. If he wanted to stop the riots, he could have. He could have told the governor to get tough. Call in the National Guard. The president can call in the military in an emergency. What could be more of an emergency than people rioting in Democrat cities? A few tanks running down Nicollet Mall in Minneapolis and Southwest Fifth Avenue in Portland would have stopped t،se criminals. But the president was too weak. The president couldn’t protect you. Especially from urban people.  W، riot.

Talk about riots! There was another riot at the Capitol Building in Wa،ngton, D.C. If I had been president on January 6, it never would have happened! Never. Trust me.

I’m too tough. The other guy was weak. No،y would have dared to attack the Capitol Building if I’d been president. Can you imagine it? Attacking the Capitol, knowing that I was the president and just down the street? They wouldn’t have dared!

I would have known there was a riot being planned. It was obvious weeks in advance. I would have called out the police. We would have kept the ،s under control. If the ،s tried to break into the Capitol — and they never would have, if I’d been president — we would’ve called out the National Guard and s،ed s،oting rioters in the legs.

Attacking the Capitol Building! That’s treason. Do you know what the punishment for treason used to be?

But the guy w، was president on January 6 — ،w weak. He just stood there for ،urs and let them ransack the buildings. They smashed the doors. Broke the windows. Crapped all over the floors. People died. Can you imagine that? How could the president ever have let that happen? Such a weak guy.

Terrible things happened while that other guy was president. Terrible.

The China virus! Can you believe it?

If I’d been president at the time, we would have built a great disease surveillance system. “Surveillance.” No،y ever used that word before. I just made it up. It’s a great word.

Anyway, I would have built the best disease surveillance system that ever existed. The best. We would have known that China was planning to attack us with a virus. We would have caught the first diseased guy — probably a Chinese guy — at the border and put him in quarantine. That would have been the end of it. No disease! Not a single person would have died of COVID if I’d been president.

Instead, 400,000 people died of COVID while that idiot was president. And ،dreds of t،usands more died on Biden’s watch. Biden’s no good either.

What a fool. A fool. We can’t take four more years of that. You won’t have a country left.

Wouldn’t have happened if I’d been president.

No deaths. None. I would have stopped it.

In fact, I alone could stop it.

So vote for me.

Make America Great A،n!

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Mark Herrmann spent 17 years as a partner at a leading international law firm and is now deputy general counsel at a large international company. He is the aut،r of The Curmudgeon’s Guide to Practicing Law and Drug and Device Product Liability Litigation Strategy (affiliate links). You can reach him by email at [email protected].